


reset

by SKRMIX



Series: loop [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, This time Chrom suffers, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SKRMIX/pseuds/SKRMIX
Summary: He thinks he's already gone insane.
Relationships: Chrom/My Unit | Reflet | Robin
Series: loop [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900792
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	reset

Chrom knows that he's lived through this how many times now? He can't even remember the number he's on but all of his past memories and the fact that he always finds Robin laying in that same old field.   
  
Sometimes he tries to search for him sooner, as soon as he's conscious even though he knows it's useless to try and seek him out before that day when he finds him in that field. it's never consistent when he finds himself waking up from the last run, sometimes its a few days before finding Robin, sometimes its a few years too early, or maybe a few months, weeks, but he knows that he always finds him on the same day in every run.   
  
But he still tries his damn best in every run, he tries so hard to save his sister and as if Robin knows how he's feeling deep inside, he also puts everything in to saving her too.   
  
He had noticed how Robin seems to be doing everything for his sake also. Like he somehow knows that he had lived through this again and stuck in a loop.   
  
But he brushes that thought aside, there's no way.   
  


* * *

"I do." Chrom says while he smiles at Sumia, she is gorgeous in the wedding dress he's seen so many times before in the past, he knows his vows by heart now and Lissa is so surprised when he doesn't pull out the small slip of paper when they rehearse days before the wedding.   
  
When the Priest smiles at them and announces them wedded, Chrom almost feels guilt rise up in his stomach as they kiss, he doesn't feel anything towards her, he can only feel so sorrowful, so mournful. He has seen her broken body so many times in the past, this guilt that it should have been him instead of her or any other of his friends when they die off.   
  
And Robin.  
  
The way Robin looks after their friends had been plucked off one by one, he swears he can do better when he turns to Chrom. And Chrom feels like Robin can understand how he feels deep inside, even if Robin doesn't know the whole truth that Chrom had already seen his friends dead on the battle field.   
  
As Sumia smiles so brightly, the bouquet of flowers in her hand while she stands with her back turned towards their friends in the crowd ready to catch it, he meets Robin's sad eyes and more guilt fills him. He didn't want to marry Sumia, if he's being honest, he had only married her because of the cruel way she had died in a previous run, she had wanted to marry in that run and she didn't deserve to be alone.   
  
Chrom's eyes flicker away for a moment to watch which one of his friends would catch the flowers before going back to where Robin had just been standing, but he was already gone.   
  
Chrom hadn't meant to snap at Robin, gods, he's an awful friend.   
  
But when he had seen Sumia, her dead lifeless corpse on the ground and the blood staining her face, it was like he had been punched in the gut. He was supposed to protect her, to make her happy, she had wanted to get married and have children, to be a happy family and he couldn't even give her that.  
  
"Leave!" He hates how the harsh words had came out of him, out of his own mouth like toxic. But he didn't want Robin to leave, he didn't want Robin to actually follow his command. He wanted Robin to stay, to stay with him while he sobs over the broken promise he couldn't keep to Sumia, he wanted Robin's comfort, to hear Robin say it's okay and everything will be alright.   
  
But instead, when he had calmed and had carried her body back to their camp, when everyone had finished seeing her also, he notices that Robin wasn't around. A small panicking void fills his chest when he asks if anyone had seen him return, he surely must have returned before himself, he had told him to leave.   
  
He had told him to leave.   
  
Chrom desperately tries to find him once he had ordered everyone to look for him, his heart beats painfully in his chest as regret fills him once more. When he had caught a glimpse of that familiar dark coat he quickly rushes over. He's about to scold him for actually trying to leave, for worrying him so much and an apology is on his tongue for how he had lashed out on him earlier but it all dies when he sees the blood on the ground, and a dagger laying next to Robin's hand.   
  
Robin- Robin, Robin! Is all that he can think at the moment.   
  
Robin is laying in a pool of his own blood as he's slumped against the tree, blood is soaked through his coat and shirt, he doesn't even want to think about how he had harmed himself.   
  
Chrom thinks he screams, sobs escape his throat at the sight of Robin, dead from suicide.   
  
This was a suicide.   
  
He's bringing Robin's corpse close, pulling him into an embrace, holding onto him so tightly he never wants to let go.  
  
In truth, he had wanted to marry Robin.  
  
His vision darkens, he thinks it's from the sheer shock of losing two precious friends at the same time.  
  
That's what he tells himself anyways.  
  
But when he opens his eyes, he's standing in the middle of his room as Lissa tells him to hurry up from outside his door.  
  


* * *

  
He spends as much time as he can with Robin this time and it seems like Robin doesn't mind as much either. They speak of their usual topics from previous times and Chrom can't help but smile as Robin rambles on and on about their shared interests.   
  
He's so cute when he gets this excited talking about the things they both love.   
  
It's when they run off to one of the extra rooms far back in the castle after Fredrick had his attention away from them that Chrom can't help but have the urge to kiss him right there. They're both sitting on the ground behind some shelves and Robin is having fits of laughter while they catch their breaths.  
  
"How long do you think it'll take for them to find us" Robin says after calming his laughter and he smiles brightly at him that Chrom wants to remember this expression on him forever. "It'll probably be awhile but at least we have time to ourselves for now." He speaks while his fingers find their way to Robin's and he almost shies away from the touch but Robin is staring at him with so much affection.   
  
They've grown so close this time and Chrom feels butterflies fill his stomach at the train of thought he's about to say.   
  
"... May I-" He doesn't need to say the rest of his sentence when Robin meets his gaze in the almost shaded room, gods, he feels like he's going to melt in place, he feels his cheeks burn and this isn't the first time he had kissed Robin, no, they've had plenty of kisses in the other times but the first everything he does in each new world, to share this with him all over again, Chrom feels like he's falling in love with Robin all over again and maybe he is.   
  
"You may." Robin whispers into the silence next to him and Chrom feels his heart fasten again. He leans in maybe too quickly while Robin turns his head and then his forehead is smacking against Robin's head while both of them are groaning out from the sudden movement.  
  
"I'm so sorry! Gods, this is embarrassing.." And he means that as his cheeks burn hotter in embarrassment as he covers his face, maybe this was a bad idea and he's almost thrown into a panic when Robin just softly laughs next to him which calms him and snaps him out of his thoughts.   
  
"Don't worry." And those words soothe Chrom while he removes his hands from his face when Robin leans in once more.  
  
"Okay." He mummers against Robin's lips and warmth fills his whole body.  
  


  
"Would you.. be willing to marry." Chrom feels like an idiot for wording it like that, gods he's so embarrassing that he wants to go back to where the rest of the Shepard's are and throw himself at Fredrick's axe. But the thought of marrying Robin in this time, to have him to himself so he can protect him and not go through what had happened last time, he deeply means it when he wants to marry him.   
  
Robin's always been there and like he had said, they're two half's of the same whole, Robin can almost understand how he feels deep inside, like he knows his pain from having to redo everything from scratch, the many times he's already seen their friends dead on the battle field, knowing that they could have done something, anything to save his sister. It's like Robin himself had lived through this hell along with him.   
  
But he hasn't.  
  
"I.. I wouldn't be opposed to the thought of marriage." And his heart is going to stop in his chest when he hears those words come out from Robin's lips.   
  
Without thinking he had pulled Robin into his arms, he hears Robin protest but he doesn't care because he's so happy right now that nothing matters in the world besides him and Robin at this moment as they lay on the ground. "I'm so glad, you don't know how happy I am right now." He presses his face into the crook of Robin's neck and he is so happy that it almost hurts.   
  
"I'm.. I'm happy too." Robin is smiling down at him when he pulls away to look at him, Chrom's heart is fluttering in his chest and gods, he wants to spend the rest of his life with Robin so badly.   
  
"I love you." Are the words that never have any meaning to anyone besides Robin, he loves Robin so much, he swears he'll never let Robin feel how he must have felt in the last round.   
  
"And I, you." Robin says and Chrom feels his smile meet his eyes while he raises a hand to gently caress Robin's cheek  
  
"Let's get married." He hears himself say before he's leaning up to capture Robin's lips in his own.  
  
"Let's get married." Robin repeats after him and breathlessly laughs through tears and Chrom swears he'll protect him.   
  


Chrom doesn't know why this is such a surprise to him, when the servant had said they've seen Grima's mark on Robin's hand he doesn't know how to feel about it.   
  
It's like he somehow knew already, he had accepted it in his mind right away because of course Robin is somehow tied to the fell dragon.  
  
But why hadn't he told him? They're married, they should be trusting towards one another and if Robin had told him before, Chrom would have smiled at him, reassure him, tell him it's okay and none of that matters because he loves Robin no matter what.   
  
Why did he feel so betrayed in some way?  
  
"What do you want me to do about it?" Chrom feels his nerves ready to burst as he sits with the council, they're all talking at once about what to do with the information of Robin's identity. They have no right to talk about him like this, why are they all even talking? This should have been a private matter for only him and Robin.   
  
It had all come down for Robin to be summoned to the throne room in the end.   
  
And Chrom feels his fury bubble up inside him, why is this happening? His heart beats faster in his chest when he hears the doors to the throne room being opened and he knows it's Robin and Fredrick. He doesn't turn to face Robin, not yet, he's not ready to face him.   
  
So when he turns after calming himself, the sight of Robin almost cowering where he stands, like Chrom himself is a threat and is the one who is mad and the one that had him summoned down on his own demands but in reality it was the council that wanted him here.   
  
"So you're Grima's vessel the Plegian's had rumored about." he is surprised by his own tone of voice. He hadn't meant it to come out this way, why was he so mad, frustrated, heart broken? "And after all this time, you haven't told us? After we've.."  
  
He sees Robin standing there, his own expression is pained like this is hurting him on the inside too.   
  
And maybe it is.  
  
"Show me your brand." Chrom feels the venom laced words leave his mouth without thought, then he's standing in front of Robin, when had he stepped forwards? When had he ripped Robin's glove off, revealing what he had been hiding from everyone to protect himself from all of this happening to him, why did he rip it off?   
  
Robin visibly flinches back and when their eyes meet, Robin looks so helpless, defenseless towards him. Chrom is disgusted at himself, he hates himself at his own actions, he didn't want to hurt Robin, he hadn't meant to hurt him.   
  
He ignores the gasps and whispers from the council.   
  
With Robin's face filled with fear, the trembling of his hand in Chrom's own grip around his wrist and gods, he looks so frighten all because of him, Chrom pulls him into his arms. He doesn't want to ever hurt him like this ever again, Robin doesn't deserve this, why had everything played out like this?   
  
"I-I'm-" He hears Robin try to speak, to apologize, why is he trying to apologize for this? For being the fell dragon? For not telling him? Why is he apologizing?  
  
"I'm sorry." It should be him apologizing instead of Robin.   
  
His thoughts scatter and think about what the council will do to his love in his arms, he can't even imagine how much pain Robin will go through in their cruel hands.  
  
So he'll end this himself.  
  
He holds Robin tightly in his grip, he holds him there as he slips Falchion out of it's sheath at his side, he holds him there as he hears Robin whisper 'why' at him when he buries the sword into his back, he holds him while Robin slumps against him and god, there's so much blood staining their clothes.   
  
His own heart beats painfully in his chest when he meets Robin's eyes from where he lays on the ground when he had let go of his hold on him, his whole body feels so numb, that he had done this to him, to the one he loves so much that it hurts to even think about how he must feel right now. To get stabbed, betrayed by his partner.   
  
"Damn you." Robin chokes out through tears, then he smiles at him and it takes everything for Chrom not to cry right there because he doesn't deserve to cry, not after what he had just done, not after he had hurt Robin so badly.   
  
And then he's gone.   
  
' _Robin doesn't have to forgive me._ ' Chrom thinks to himself before the pain of his sword piercing his own stomach shoots throughout his whole body. He vaguely hears the screams and shouts of the people that fill the room, of Lissa crying in the background and Fredrick holding her back.   
  
He's sorry that he's leaving like this but a world without Robin sounds so cruel, he doesn't want to live without him there at his side.   
  
His whole world goes black while he smiles at Robin's own smiling form next to him.   
  
He wakes up to Emmeryn slightly scolding him for dozing off during their meeting and Lissa trying to cover her giggling fit with her hands from where she sits beside her.   
  


* * *

  
  
Every time his sister, as graceful as ever is standing atop those pillars, those pillars that tie her down and maybe it's her fate that she's supposed to go through this in each time, but that is so cruel that Chrom refuses to believe that. She hadn't done nothing to deserve this, she hadn't done a goddamn thing to ever to deserve this fate.   
  
And it's Robin who believes this too, he tries so hard to try and come out with another plan to make sure that she comes out alive, and it almost seems silly of him to be jealous over when Robin shows so much frustration and regret that he couldn't save her. It's almost like Robin had lived through this over and over again like he had.   
  
But Chrom knows he's being ridiculous.   
  
But it still hurts so much to watch his sister, to watch Emmeryn take her final steps forwards and then she's falling and no matter how much he runs, running to try and catch her, to somehow save her, it's never enough.   
  
He can't save her and he never will.   
  
When he and Robin are alone in his own personal tent, heading back to the capital after ending this goddamn war with Gangrell, he waits for the comforting words that always come out from him as they sit side by side.   
  
He knows the words by heart, it never differs in each time but he's so grateful to always hear the "It's okay," and "We can figure this out," while he sobs out his regrets that always fills him, that's always been there, knowing that he can't change anything. With Robin's soft calming voice and how his hand is always in his hair while he rests himself against him, he doesn't know what he'll do without Robin there.  
  


* * *

  
Sometimes the pain of Robin dying is so much to handle that Chrom finds himself avoiding him in some of the new worlds he finds himself in, he pushes him away and buries himself in the comfort of other people. He know's it's cruel to Robin but the pain is too much for him, even as he marries another woman he can never feel the love for them like the love he feels for Robin.   
  
No one can ever replace Robin.   
  
But it's when Robin dies too early that pains him the most, the time they had rushed to save Emmeryn when the raid happened a bit too early and Chrom was caught off guard, he was prepared for the raid to happen some weeks later. When he and Robin had stepped into her room he was so sicken at the sight they had left her in, her body a mangled mess while blood soaks the ground. She never deserved this.   
  
He didn't want Lissa to see her like this, he didn't want to see her like this while he falls to his knees in front of her, he holds her lifeless hands in his own. Out of all the ways she had died it was never like this, what had changed this time? Why did they do this to her?   
  
He hadn't noticed the dark figure out on the balcony, but he's suddenly getting shoved to the side and Robin's there, he's there with a dagger sticking out of his side and the faintest scent of poison fills his nose.   
  
Robin had taken the hit that was meant for him and had been poisoned.   
  
He's dying and he'll be dead just like his sister that lays not to far next to them, he's in a panic at the poison's visibly fast work of the paling of Robin's skin and the small haggard breaths that come out of him. He can't do anything to help him, he doesn't have any magic skills to help him and even if he let's Lissa or Maribelle come in to heal him, it'll be too late.   
  
"Robin- This can't be!" He's talking to himself, he's so goddamn useless right now, he can't do anything.  
  
Robin smiles, and then he's gone once again while Chrom feels himself tear up. There's voices in the room but he can't hear them through the white silence that fills his head and his vision darkens, he'll try his hardest in the next, to save them both.   
  
Then there's the time that they had cornered Gangrell, the mad king cackles while he dodges attack after attack and it's getting to Chrom's nerves because he hates this man with a passion, he hates this man for harming his sister, for starting the war. He hates this man so much.   
  
And he hates this man when instead of attacking him like before, Gangrell turns to Robin and Chrom can see the moment that Robin himself was caught off guard at the sudden move. He watches as the lightening from the levin sword at Gangrell's hand lights up and a loud crashing sound of lightening crackles throughout the area and Robin is falling to the ground.   
  
All he can see is red and the rage that over takes him finishes the king off,   
  
How dare he hurt Robin.   
  
He knows that there's nothing that can be done, but he's screaming for anyone to help while he sobs out at Robin's side, he's screaming for Lissa, for a healer, for anyone that can help him.   
  
"I'm sorry." Is the last thing Robin says before he stills and Chrom knows he's a sobbing mess but he doesn't care, not when Robin is gone again, taken from this world once again.   
  
He hears Lissa's voice next to him but all he can feel is numbness, he can't protect anyone, why is he even trying at this point? Why is this happening to him? Why is the world so cruel?   
  
He bitterly laughs to himself as he feels his mind starting to go unconscious and he knows he's going to be thrown back once again.  
  
When he blinks, he and Lissa are having a tea party in her room while she pouts at him for not listening to a word she had said and he sheepishly smiles at her while picking up his own delicate tea cup.  
  


* * *

  
Chrom knows that in each wake he'll find Robin on that day, he's always found him.  
  
But there was only one time he hadn't found him on that day, he doesn't even know what happened but they met when he had gone to the boarders that split Ylisse from Plegia to try and settle down the not so friendly banter that had gone down.   
  
But he doesn't want to think about that ever again, he feels like he had failed Robin in some way.   
  
When they find Robin laying in the grass, Chrom is suddenly concerned when he just stares blankly ahead and doesn't respond to any of their questions, even Fredrick agrees that they should get him urgent care.   
  
He stays at Robin's side while they rush back to the castle but then he remembers that they have to stop the raid that is happening in the village ahead.   
  
Like all the other times, Chrom rushes off without thinking, if he can get rid of these damn brigands as fast as possible they can get Robin some help back at the castle.   
  
He ignore's Lissa's screech only because he knows Robin will save her but he's so shocked, stunned in place, almost sickened at the gruesome scene of Robin digging the bolt of lightening in his hand into his little sister's chest as blood is spraying everywhere.   
  
Why is Robin doing this?  
  
He's screaming at the sight while Fredrick is quick to move and holding Robin down in his own deathing grip. Why is this happening? He's sobbing as he desperately holds onto Lissa's lifeless hand. He only looks over at Robin when he hears him laughing to himself while his face is shoved to the dirt ground and Chrom can only assume that Robin had lost it.   
  
With a swing of an axe, he blinks and they're standing in front of Robin's tired gaze peering up at them while he lays in the grass.   
  
Then Robin's fighting with Fredrick while he lays on the ground from a hit that Robin had thrown at him, he was ready to bleed out, to die at Robin's hands but the look he had given him, like he had known him and the hesitation in his eyes. He doesn't want to hurt Robin but when he hears the pleas from Lissa, he's quick to get on his feet and without thinking he stabs his sword through him again.  
  
Then he blinks and is standing over Robin again, he almost feels like he's losing it when Robin lunges himself at Fredrick's ready axe and he blinks before he can see his dying form fall to the ground.   
  
Then Robin's crying and laughing when their eyes meet once again before the hot burning flames engulf him whole with his own magic.   
  
He blinks and there's a child in front of him with her long blue hair and bright eyes looking up at him while she tugs at his clothes and is pointing off at a person in the distance.  
  
He doesn't even know who this is but he's calling out her name when she suddenly is rushing off to the person. "Lucina! Wai-" He's extending his arm out then the person had ripped off the Falchion, when did he give her the sword, and stabs themselves with it and all he hears is the small girl screaming before he blinks again then he's standing in that field again with Lissa and Fredrick who are giving him confused looks.   
  
He's crying and laughing at the same time like Robin had done not to long ago.  
  
He thinks he's already gone insane.   
  
No matter how much he tries.  
  
He can't save Robin.

**Author's Note:**

> poor chrom 
> 
> If the events seem all jumbled up from rerun, it's because Chrom doesn't remember what order each loop had played out due to him losing it lol
> 
> thank you for reading T v T)7


End file.
